so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
