The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
