remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
How naked do you want me to be?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
