Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
