Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
