Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
tell me about the eggs
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
