yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
