I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
