I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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