I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She even gives head with a lisp.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
