No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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