So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
