You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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