why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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