i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
