and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
