My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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