just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
