Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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