thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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