But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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