Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
