I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
