Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
