i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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