the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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