hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
