My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
