My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
