Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
