Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
