Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
