No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
