oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
