worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
