Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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