A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
