Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
