Define "chronic" masturbator.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
