I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
