i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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