So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
