So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
