Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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