I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
