Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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