Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
