I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
