I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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