Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
