Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
