I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
